just a few more thoughts for a new mommy

"[Recently] I was reading the first couple of chapters of 1st Samuel, where Hannah pleads with God for a child and then, once he is weaned, sends him to serve in the temple. Perhaps this is just my own selfish heart, but I had to ask--why did Hannah even want a child if she was going to give him up so soon? To me, the pain of loss is very real even now as I watch my son transition out of infanthood into toddlerhood; I feel as if in some ways I've already "lost" my baby. So how would I ever give him up like that? 

I guess what I came to realize is this: Year after year, Hannah went to the house of God, and doubtlessly was familiar with the sacrifices. But perhaps, just maybe, she wanted to make the greatest sacrifice she could to this God. And in raising a child and then releasing him or her to God, we too are sacrificing. And it may not be easy. But we must keep this goal in view. 

Also, I noticed that Hannah praises God wonderfully after He gives her a child. This was comforting to me, for I tend to think that I must "be satisfied in God" before He would grant me my request. I'm not saying that Hannah wasn't, but she wasn't trying to "trick" God into thinking she was satisfied in Him. I catch myself doing this sometimes. Right now, I am ready for another baby...I have been for a long time. I am trying, but it's not happening right now. (Probably because I'm still nursing a lot!) But I was praying not too long ago, and begging God for another child, but I think I may have been trying to convince both He and I that I would be satisfied even if not. And while that's a goal to aim toward, when we are asking God for His blessing in the form of a child, I think it's ok to admit how desperately we want it. Yes, come to God with an attitude of submission, but let's be honest with Him about those desires, still with hands open, asking that if He does not grant them, He will change them, lest our souls lose hope. 

But that is a point for a season you are not in right now. I guess what I was getting at was that Hannah seemed to have a greater praise for God after she had witnessed His answered prayer. Maybe not, for we didn't see every prayer she prayed before. But this response of praising God seems like the natural emotion of joy after witnessing Him at work. Likewise, we should not be surprised if we find ourselves praising God with fresh vigor when He gives us His blessing of a child, for in so doing He has shown us how beautifully He loves us. Bask in that, and praise Him, and record the praises He gives you during this time, that the generations to come might reflect on your prayers, just like Hannah's.