August 19th

Today I am grateful for the grace to see God's working amid trials...

Poor little Ezra has broken his leg again; this time the left, last time the right. It's hard to believe that he ever broke one leg, let alone both, before he was 13 months. :(

After a little tumble last Sunday, I knew something was seriously wrong. It wasn't a high or bad fall at all; he was just climbing on a box and took a tumble. But the kind of cry, and a little tremor I felt go through him, and the fact that he started nursing and fell asleep almost instantly had my mommy intuition alarm bells going off like crazy. I know something was wrong. The next morning we rushed into the orthopedist, and the PA told us it could have been just a bruise and to come back if he didn't improve within a few days. I'm pretty sure as soon as we got out of the office I somewhat angrily said, "he's wrong!!" I just knew something was up. I'm grateful that God gives us mommies the closeness to our babies to be able to sense when something is even marginally different...

Well, a week later, he was looking a bit better, managing to crawl and stand on the opposite leg, but still not putting that leg down, except rarely. We took him back in and an xray revealed another broken bone. Poor guy! I asked the PA if he thought we should be concerned about E's bones, but he really wasn't worried. He says this is common around 18-24 months when babies start getting adventurous. Well, it makes sense that this would happen to precocious little Ezra a few months early! :)

There's such a mix of emotions. Embarrassment that this happened again. Sadness that he will likely have a cast on at the beach in a few weeks. And trying not to be angry that they didn't xray / cast last week; if they had, he might have had the cast off for the beach!! But we have to rest in the sovereignty of God.

Speaking of God's sovereignty, this week, I saw his hand anew working in my life and the life of those I love. In certain debates, you might hear people speak negatively of what we would be without free will, simply a pawn in God's hand. And while I do agree that God gives us a will to serve Him or disobey, I must say that being a pawn in the loving hand of my Savior seems like it would be a delight. In this moment, it was like I could feel Him completely in control of the situation in a way beyond what I could orchestrate. I was lying in bed, trying to do something on the computer, with no contacts in, and I couldn't see. So I accidentally kept hitting the wrong key and it basically led me to check out the blog of a loved one, and see that they were in distress, and let certain people know who could take action. I was just so grateful for this demonstration of God's sovereignty, so humbled that He can use us even when we aren't trying to do anything. And so, I rest in that same sovereign hand with Ezra. This is a mini trial, but we will praise Him through it!