Expectations

We've all heard that expectations harm relationships. We've probably heard this the in context of marriage, and I think it's true.

What I'm wondering is, does the same statement apply to our children?

How do our expectations for our children affect our relationship with them? Because to some extent, we probably are a lot more prone to placing our expectations on our children because of our duty to raise them to know and understand God's standards for them.

In other words, there are expectations that exist for our kids, but maybe we don't need to place our expectations on them.

Perhaps with the exception that we should expect when we wake up each morning that our children are just like us, sinners in need of great grace.

An illustration: the other morning, before I got out of bed, I lay there, blissfully reflecting on how Ezra had, for the most part, stopped saying "no" defiantly.  "Ah," I thought, "we've actually trained him something...hooray!!"

Well, I guess you could say that I was a little saddened when Ezra woke up that morning and pretty promptly began to show me that "no" was still a well-polished and favored word in his vocabulary. Whoops.

To break down the story, God has an expectation (you might call it law) that Ezra must obey: Obey your parents. A toddler's rebellious "no!" is in opposition to this law, so I am expected by God to teach Ezra better patterns.

But, for me to get up in the morning and assume that Ezra will not defiantly yell no at me would only harm our relationship. I can set standards, but I should not make assumptions that they will be met. Assume that they should, yes. But assume that they will, no. The difference here is subtle, but I think it's an important one. If I don't assume Ezra should stop saying no, I will fail to train. If I do assume that he won't say no and just expect him to be a good little boy all day, I will fail to train with compassion, grace, and mercy.

So I'm curious. Where have you found that expectations harm your relationship with your child(ren)? Leave a comment below to share!